I have been friends with this guy for years and we have dated before. He asked me to dinner (I actually ate…he typically makes me so nervous that I can’t eat). We had a good time talking and even made plans to either go to the movies or go to a theme park this weekend depending on my work schedule. Things are looking good but I’m not sure if my heart is guarded.
I’ve been praying for him mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I surrendered it to God and continually prayed about it. Now I’m not sure if that is considered guarding my heart because at the moment I felt as if I couldn’t completely surrender it. I was consumed with him. Although I was praying for him I was also constantly thinking about him and wanting to talk to him and I got overly excited when the opportunity arose to either talk to him or see him. I felt like I was failing at guarding my heart. But then something changed.
I don’t know if it is because of the circumstances surrounding my life or the fact that I’m growing up but I’m not as obsessed with him. I am calm and I pray for him but not obsessively. I feel a sense of peace no matter the income. I feel like my heart is in the hands of the Father and that He is guarding it. He is protecting my heart with a supernatural protection.
Now how did I achieve this guarding of my heart…I have no idea. I think that the more I focused on God and who He is the less I thought about my “romantic interest”. God doesn’t always move in big huge ways. He also moves in small ways, like a flower blossoming or the earth making it’s full turn on its axis without us feeling it. Sometimes we don’t realize the process is happening until we see the finished product.
I think that guarding your heart is a process. It isn’t something that you learn in a few weeks, months or even years! I have been single for about 3 1/2 years and I’ve been working on guarding my heart for even longer. I still don’t feel as if I’m done learning about this. I still have a lot of learning to do but I’m glad that I have learned what I have in this short time. I mean I have the rest of my life to learn! I don’t want to spend the rest of my life learning how to guard my heart but if that’s what it takes then let’s do it!
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you. [2 Corinthians 4:7-12]
I know that this is an old video but considering that I’m going through what I’m going through right now, I needed to hear some of the words that came out of his mouth. It may be a rough patch, and things may be a bit difficult to handle but God is enough.
I dreamed the most perfect dream last night (after my emotional breakdown). I dreamed that was at school, working heard, being an SLD, surrounded by great friends. My relationship with Christ was awesome! I was dating the guy of my dreams and life was good. But most importantly I hadn’t been raped by my best friend.
It sucks that ALL of that was just an illusion.
This past week has been absolutely a blur. I was fighting not to slip into a depression. Over spring break something traumatic happened…Someone who I considered to be my best friend decided to not listen to me saying “NO I DON’T want to have sex with you.” and forced himself on me anyways. Needless to say I have not been myself. I have had some serious trust issues and a sense of not feeling safe. I’ve been struggling with my relationship with Christ and that’s been the hardest for me. I wasn’t mad at Him but at the same time I didn’t talk to Him. I cried out for help and was frustrated because I felt as if God promised me that I’d be an SLD in the fall and things in my life were looking up but then I was in this bitter waiting period making sure that I wasn’t pregnant and that I could proceed with my future plans. I honestly just felt stuck in these past two weeks since the incident. I didn’t know what to do, who to trust and where I could go to feel safe. I’m trying to process through what happened in a healthy way but I ask for prayers as I am back at school and trying to be a student, a current PL and a future SLD and all that comes with those positions. Life has been hard but I don’t want to give up in this fight.
to start a post about what happened to me last week and I can’t. I can’t grasp the situation. My heart begins to pound and I feel nauseous. Prayers are greatly appreciated.
Elizabeth Elliot says she is often asked the question, ‘What can I do to get him to notice me?’ Note carefully the advice she gives.
My answer is ‘nothing.’ That is, nothing toward the man. Don’t call him. Don’t write a little note with a smiley face or a flower or a fish under the signature and put it in his campus mailbox. Don’t slide up to him in the hall and gasp, ‘I’ve just got to talk to you!’ Don’t look woebegone, don’t ignore him, don’t pursue him, don’t do him favors, don’t talk about him to nine carefully selected listeners.
There is one thing you can do: turn the whole business over to God. If he’s the man God has for you, ‘No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly’ (Psalm 84:11). Direct your energies to obedience, not to nailing the man. God has His own methods to getting the two of you together. He doesn’t need help or advice from you.
